There was a time, many moons ago, where criminals in this country of mine had very good reasons not to get caught. Murderers had the very real threat of the gallows hanging over them (excuse the expression) while petty crooks had rough prisons and even the possibility of deportation or forced military service to watch out for. Seriously, it took a brave man to be a low-life in England during the 1800’s.

 These days criminals are treated as though they’re just naughty children who really just need a good talking to (I would say they get a slap on the wrist as well, but of course that wouldn’t be allowed). On the odd occasion that a crook is deemed fit to actually be punished and sent to prison, it’s really only seen as a minor inconvenience rather than an actual punishment.

 It came out a few days ago that criminals (namely drug-dealers) would actually break into prison to sell their goods and then break back out. In fact, drugs are so common inside that they’re significantly cheaper than on the outside! Hookers are also regularly smuggled in and I can only assume that pizza deliveries are only a phone call and a ladder over-the-wall away.

 In fact, prisons are so cushy that most inmates don’t actually want to escape. They get satellite T.V., video games, nice comfy beds, and a roof over their heads -- luxuries many wouldn’t enjoy in the outside world (not to mention all the cheap dope and prostitutes). This is all made better by the fact that the people who are meant to be in charge of these places are all but helpless to do anything about it. Prisons are understaffed and morale is at an all-time low. Many prison guards feel like their hands are tied because they cant come-down on inmates for fear of infringing on their human rights! As that article I linked to says, some prisons even have no-go areas that the criminals completely control. That’s right… areas in prison controlled by the prisoners. I wish that was a bloody joke.

 That’s not all though, here in topsy-turvy Britain it’s not just the criminals the justice system treats in a completely backwards way, but we humble law-abiding citizens also suffer from the stupidity of it all. Take the father of four in Cumbria who now has a criminal record because he overfilled his wheelie-bin by, get this, four inches. That’s right, four whole inches. He was dragged to court, slapped with a £225 fine, and given a criminal record that will dog him for ever more. I wonder what the judge who handed out this punishment thought to himself afterwards… probably something to the effect of: “Society 1, heinous criminal 0. It’s been a good day for justice!”

 The hilarious thing about all this is that our current government (elected in ’97) vowed to be “tough on crime.” One can only imagine how luxurious and sheltered those politicians’ lives must have been to consider any of what they’ve done to be tough. “He burned down an orphanage? With the orphans inside?! By Jove, that’s horrid!! Make sure he doesn’t get Sky Box Office or ESPN when he’s in prison. That’ll show him! Actually, should we let him have ESPN? Don’t want to come down on him too hard after all.”

 I don’t know why I’m at all surprised about this. After all, our government has proven itself to be nothing but a gang of crooks, so why shouldn’t they take care of their own?

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